Psychopath or Self Loathing?

It's common to question your own personality traits, at least I believe so. If it wasn't common, then why would there be so many online tests to show what kind of potato you are or, laying in theme with this post, to what percentage of psychopath you are. 

I have a staple group of friends, who I invite around every week or two. We have dinner, play a board game and then retire for the night. 

It was at one of these get-togethers that one of our friends, we'll call him Jaques (all names in this post have been changed for privacy and confidentiality) mentioned a test that we could all take. It would tell us in no uncertain terms if we were a psychopath or not. 

Being a curious bunch of people, we each loaded the test on our phones and began to check if we are psychopaths or not. My fiancèe was the first of us to finish with a score of 4 points, RJ scored 8 along with his boyfriend, Jaques. Me, however, I scored 20. 

Now isn't that interesting? 

Not wanting to believe the first test result, we each tried our luck with another similar test. My fiancèe scored 1%, my friends each scored 4% and 8% respectively and I scored a whopping 66%.

RJ, the ever dutiful best friend, was immediately concerned with my results and asked for me to go through the test while he watched. Thinking back to the moment, I am sure there was some level of worry for me, but I'd bet his actions were driven by curiosity rather than anything else. 

Self consciousness, anxiety and a boat load of other emotions seemed to create a barrier for me and I was suddenly rather shy and didn't want to answer as truthfully as I had the first time. So, my score dwindled to a slightly lower 58%.

None of this shocked me. I've always known that my brain doesn't work the exact same as others and that some of my traits can fall on the psychopathic spectrum, but what RJ said truly shocked me. 

"I think you're being too hard on yourself." 

As soon as those words left his lips, I found myself consumed with a wave of curiosity and I turned my eyes inwards with the self analytical flair we are all so skilled at. I think now, he may be right. When you evaluate yourself, just as how you may stare into a mirror, you only see the negative aspects. 

I don't see many young people boasting about how amazing they look in an Asda changing room, donning a half price swimming costume. I have, however heard cries of woe and gasps of despair as they see the very things that cause such self hatred magnified to their gaping eyes. 

So my question now goes out to you. What point or percentage did you score on the psychopathy spectrum, but further more, were your points as high as mine because you are, indeed, carrying high psychopathic traits or is it because you see yourself in a slightly more damning light than your other friends?

Don't force yourself into a box or bubble because you think it may fit. Life is about making yourself, not about finding yourself. Devs out!